The Broken Mask
by Christina5
Summary: The G boys are watching Trowa perform in the circus only the rest of the audience isnt watching Trowa perform... their watching Trowa... 4/3 pairing in the first chapter, second is a sequel where I felt that I just had to kill another GW boy ^^ More agnst
1. Default Chapter

**The Broken Mask**

By Chichi

Disclaimer: Not mine but the words... you can mix up the order and then it wouldnt be mine either (but then it wouldnt make sense too)

Warnings: Sapsapsapsapsapsapsap (I got this thing for sap now...) Agnst (a bit?...a lot) Death fic, yaoi 4+3

I sit in the attic rummaging through my old stuff. It's got to be here somewhere! I'm quite certain I kept that set of teacups after we got a new one. I just couldn't bear to part with them, even though Duo made so much fun of me about them. I knew they would come in handy too. And so they have, too many guests should never be an excuse for too few teacups! This box doesn't have it I push it to the side and pick up the next one. Perhaps this is the lucky one.

I rip open the top and freeze. Carefully and slowly I reach in and remove the broken mask. It's half smile stares at me, seemingly mocking me, daring me to remember. The crack down the middle of the mask haunts me even more and the weeks of waking up screaming and crying may just start anew. But an unknown force tries to make me touch the mask, feel it. Hesitatingly my hand reaches out fingering the crack

We all sat Heero, Duo, Wufei and I in the bleachers, awaiting Trowa's act. My excitement could not be contained, and like a child's always was noticed, the others surely did as well for I ecstatically the ground for Trowa with my binoculars.

"Oi Quatre, Trowa'll be out soon enough! You might want to calm down, don't be so obvious. Wouldn't want him knowing bout you being here right now would ya" Duo said nudging me in the ribs. Heero and Wufei just sat and stared ahead ignoring the both of us.

Suddenly the elephants disappeared and the lights focused in on Trowa. An over head speaker turned on announcing Trowa and Catherine's names. A slight rustle in the crowd and some whispering passed over it. I glared at them. How rude they do this over Trowa's act.

Catherine raised her hand above her head preparing to throw. The anticipation build up was too much for me, I almost felt like a little kid again.

"Look at the audience." Heero suddenly said. Why was he being such a drag, even here in the circus? He really should let up some times but I looked at the audience never the less. Heero is my leader after all, and he never says anything (other than omae o korosu) that isn't important.

"You're right" Wufei announced. The people in the audience were all anxious preparing for something. They nodded to each other and handled things in their pockets a very excited group, but definitely not excited about Catherine and Trowa.

"Where are all the kids?" Duo whispered loud enough for only us to hear. Catherine threw a knife at Trowa hitting the board in precisely the right spot, but no one applauded; no one seemed to care. Yet glancing at the crowd they seemed intensely focused on Trowa perhaps too much so.

"I don't see any" I whisper. This is all too different than it should be. Only adults in this crowd? Fear of the unknown loomed overhead and my concern for Trowa's well being grew quickly.

"Get ready. They're going to attack." Heero's hard edge steel voice announced and my fears confirmed. 

They were OZ soldiers.

Sudden movement, as if on cue, erupted through out the bleachers. Everyone stood, attacking. Screams of anguish echoed from the staff of the circus through out the tent, but were consequently drowned out by the gruff voiced of the commanders ordering the soldiers about.

Heero's gun jerked from his pocked shooting the nearest soldier through the head. I fumbled for my gun mean while looking for any sign of Trowa. He must still be here! Heero, Duo and Wufei left for their gundams, leaving me to help Trowa, knowing that I wouldn't leave anyway. There he is, but before I can breathe a sigh of relief he is surrounded, Catherine pulled away. I get it I understand. They all knew Trowa was one of us, a gundam pilot. Somehow they got him. But but he cant die yet. He will not die yet. There's so much I didn't say

"The Alliance shall terminate all who oppose them!" A voice rang.

Another force, another factions has arrived making the aggression double. They quickly get into a shooting with OZ. When will the Alliance and OZ finally realize that their goals are similar and stop fighting? 

Trowa escapes but to where? Everything's happening to fast! Stop it! I can't take this! Trowa I'm coming for you. I ran down the bleachers wildly shooting who ever dares to try to shoot me. Luckily most are too focused on the battle in the center of the tent to pay me much mind. But that's where Trowa is! I search the area wildly for Trowa and find him. Our eyes lock for a moment and I could never have been able to pull my eyes away unless he did so first.

OZ has somehow managed to kill off most of the Alliance opposition. So much blood I stare at my shoes soaked in the life of others. "Stop!" I say to myself and myself only. I become frantic and rush down the steps, towards the heart of the battle. Get Trowa and leave, get Trowa and leave, my mind and heart say in unison. "It's a Gundam!" Someone shouts when Heero's gundam flies into view.

"Disperse now!" Another says, and many people scatter. I stand in the middle wildly looking for Trowa. He's here somewhere. My eyes search out his and instead find a pair of cold dead ones.

"You're turn to die." The owner holds up a gun with a steady hand. Cocking the gun he says, "Good by Gundam pilot."

The surprise that appeared on my face wasn't evident to him for someone had landed between us, cutting off his dreadful glare. "Trowa?" I breathe. "Trowa!" I screamed this time, as Trowa gasps and jerks forward, blood splaying from his back and his mask hitting the ground. He falls into my arms. "No no Trowa. Why'd you do that?" I frantically shake him, tears spilling from my eyes.

"Trowa's breath was coming fast making it harder on him by the moment. He looked up at me with a partial smile and his eyes are full of warmth love? "Are you all right Quatre?" His voice speaks with effort and I nod numbly. "That's good."

"But Trowa, y-you wont m-make it." I grasp him close stuttering. I feel the warm blood cascading over my hands and the life flowing out of him, knowing even if he did get a doctor he would die and all hoped is lost. "I cant live without you!"

Anger sweeps through Trowa and he fiercely whispers into my ear, "Don't you dare. Make me one promise Quatre and that's all I ask of you. You'll continue to live and live happily." When I failed to respond Trowa continued. "Your death now would mean the wasting of my life. I want you to live on more than anything in this world. You cant refuse a mans last wished, especially from your koi"

"But, but Trowa I cant do that! Not without you!" I say kneeling. Standing was such an effort for Trowa and me alike. His heartbeat is slowing and new fresh tears break from my eyes.

"I'll always be in your heart." He says growing limp. "Hear the music in your heart remember what we played together, what we are together."

"But we never- I never told you I love you Trowa. Please don't go! Not yet!" I'm trying to grasp onto something, something stable but I'm failing miserably.

"I always knew Quatre, I always new. And I love you too." He gasps and I can tell he is near the end.

"Trowa" I say. There is nothing left, nothing.

"Take my mask. Remember it as the smile I never had and the heart I just gave" He trails off. I pull Trowa back a bit so I can see his face. His half-lidded eyes stare at me with pure love and as if time slowed for him and me, I pulled his lips to mine and we shared out first and final kiss Sweetness is the only word I could describe it with, despite the salty taste of my tears and metallic taste of blood, his blood, coming off my hands.

He dies there and I sit alone holding his body. The battle rages about us but I couldn't have cared. All that mattered was holding Trowa until the end and his warmth is gone. "We'll always be together." I try to convince myself.

"Quatre come." Wufei arrives next to me, sorrow in his eyes. The entire tent was empty save him, Heero, Duo, the circus staff, the dead and me. I release my hold on Trowa's body, it's usefulness is gone with Trowa's soul not there. Catherine comes and takes Trowa off; probably she will bury him since she is his family. I pick up the mask the long crack down the middle an imperfection due to the roughness in which it fell of Trowa's face. My finger trailed down the crack

And reached the end. Tears had dropped onto the mask and I quickly scrub them off, not wanting to ruin the paint. The smile on the mask no longer appears to be mocking me, but inviting me to love and laugh like a child.

"Quatre c'mon! We got guests here ya know!" Duo yelled up the stairs. "Don't tell me you got lost up there!"

"No no, I'm coming." I shout back. I set the mask aside and look into the box again. The set of teacups is underneath and I grab them leaving to go downstairs. I steady me self, wiping my face and straightening my clothes.

Pausing at the door and looking back at the mask I say, "Trowa I hope you know I'm doing what you want, I'm living happily. Someday I'll see you again and I'll give you your mask back." A light breeze of warm air washes over me in the airtight room. "I love you still." Walking down the stairs I'm left with a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Trowa's still with me. In my heart.

***

^^ Didnt I tell you about the sap? Well tell me what you think... C&C... I've never written a 3x4/4x3 and I didnt really plan on doing it that way either... but the plot fit these two the best so... are they IC majorly OOC? ^^ Feedback!!!

Chichi~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Protector of Heero's one true love

Healer of Heero's wounds

Owner of the bathhouse in the Shinigami Temple

Official Caretaker of Heero's guestroom in the Temple of the Shinigami Cult

Proud member of the SACBHY

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Touch of a Feather, a GW page: http://www.geocities.com/chichi894


	2. The Ultimate Vow

**The Ultimate Vow**

By Chichi

Notes/disclaimer: I dont own GWing nor claim to own it. This is a fanfic written for entertainment only. This is a deathfic and mainly a sad remix of the first part. I wouldnt recommend reading it O.O the author telling the reader that its bad...

It's been years since Trowa died and Quatre is over it. At least seemingly. He remembers Trowa and often talks to Trowa in the night, the thinness of the walls tell me so. It's surprising that all four of us live together although the war has not ended. I almost wish it never ended because I don't know if Heero and I would ever see each other again.

This leads me to admit that I do care about him. I first noticed it when I became apprehensive every time he was gone and ever time he was in the same room as me. I ignored it, thinking I felt unusual every time one of us was gone on a mission. Eventually the truth had to be faced, and it was the day Trowa was killed.

Oh the guilt I felt! Every time I glanced at Quatre for the next couple weeks I would remember my first thought when we learned Trowa had died. All I could think of in the face of tragedy is "I'm glad its not Heero." Quatre was so forlorn so unlike himself and all I could say was "rather it be Trowa." But that's only natural isn't it? I still question that myself. Did Heero think the same thing about me? If only

The war's been postponed for reasons known only to Relena Peacecraft. She truly tries her hardest and I hold no grudge against her. She just poses rivalry for me. I feel like I'm imagining things when Heero brushes her off and comes with me instead. And I probably am. You imagine many things when you're in love. Never the mess make-believe sustains me thought out this war in several ways. It's not really me who kills all those people, its shinigami. Its I who Heero loves not Relena, and I need this concept for the sole purpose of having a purpose in this life.

***

"Duo!" A lighthearted voice shook me awake. My blurry eyes focus on Quatre's face as happily lit as the sun behind him. He's so happy nowIt seems that out of the two of us only I regret the love Trowa and Quatre could have shared with each other. "Duo wake up!"

I closed my eyes tightly. "Duo!" Quatre insisted. Ugh I'm not dreaming, Quatre is actually here typing to kill me with his voice so early in the morning.

"Quatre, Wufei's having trouble with the car." A deep rumbling voice entered. My heart sped up and with all my might I tried to calm it. Nervousness took over. There was some over all reason Heero didn't fix the car himself. And it became apparent soon enough. "I'll wake Duo up. You go help Wufei."

He's setting it up! He is! Heero's purposely trying to get the two of us alone! So much adrenaline is in my veins right now too much for the morning. I'm going to panic! "Duo's already up" Quatre stated playfully. "Come on, let's go help Wufei. Duo come down in 5 minutes!" And they left.

Damn it! So close the let down is so incredible. Which did I want? Heero to stay or leave? Well they left me.

Alone.

***

I stumbled down the stairs dressed and ready to act under my alias- at my job at the junkyard.

"Hurry up Duo!" Quatre yelled.

"What is it?" I asked lazily.

"We're all coming along too!" Quatre announced.

Surprised, I looked from Quatre to the glare on Wufei's face, to the passive dead look on Heero.

"Why do you want to come with me?" I asked. Was there some thing special that I missed? I must have forgotten!

"Oh no, just special occasion!" Quatre exclaimed furtively glancing at Heero.

How odd

We all piled into the car. I sat in the drives seat and Quatre beside me (after trying to get Heero to sit next to me, something of a déjà vu to this morning) I drove while giving senseless talk; my usual ramble while contemplating the mornings events. Must be luck that so many things have happened this morning!

I kept talking and talking about how senseless my boss is, when we were to get our next mission, what I do at the junkyard, how to get around, how come I like working there

"So what I do is sort the junk out, then I-"

"Duo shut up." Wufei interrupted. "You're talking more than usual."

It's true I am nervous. But why? I am always self-conscious around Heero why didn't he tell me to shut up though? I glance at him. A piece of paper is held up.

"What's that Heero?"

Heero glanced at me though the rear view mirror. "Hn." Came the short reply.

"Glad to know!" I joked, inwardly questioning the truth.

***

The drive was quickly over and the four of us piled out of the car.

"Duo! You're late!" The gruff sound welcomed us.

"Hey! Don't sweat it! I brought some people who work just as hard as me!" I grinned introducing Heero, Quatre, and Wufei.

"If they work just like you I'm going to be outta business soon! Now if you three wanna help go ahead, I need two people at the store front and two out back helping the others." Saying so, the door slammed leaving the four of us alone.

"Um"I glanced at them all, Quatre's eager face, Wufei's scowl and Heero's passive? Nervous? So hard to tell but Heero cant be nervous at least not enough so that it showed.

"C'mon Wufei. We'll go work with the others." Quatre said leading him off.

But but how can I work with Heero right next to me? Never mind the fact that I can't seem to act normal around him but Heero's not exactly an open kinda guy "Wait!" I called after Quatre.

"What?" Quatre turned.

"Why don't" I paused. Did I really want to let Heero go work over there? The many times that I wanted Heero to stay after he left "Never mind."

Quatre and Wufei disappeared over the pile of goods available to sell.

"Wai, Heero, I guess its just you and me" I stated. "Now don't be too stiff around the customers okay?"

"Hn."

I smiled. Heero acting like his regular self. That's why attracts me to him so much. I don't know why but I am. He's so different maybe I like rocks! I chuckled.

"How do you sell things here." Heero asked.

"Oh, I just ask the person what he wants, see if we got one in that pile then bargain with the person if necessary."

"Hn" Heero grunted as someone drove up.

The sleek black car squealed to a stop. The driver and the passenger spoke for a minute before the passenger came out.

"I'm looking for old communication parts. Got any?" The sun glinted off the mans sunglasses, his eerie smile hinting at something more. The dark blue suit looked out of place at the dinky junkyard.

"Sure thing man!" I said, ignoring the glares Heero gave to the man.

Why I turned searching for communication parts I heard the man ask Heero, "Have I seen you anywhere?"

"No." Heero replied.

Sounds of folding glasses reached my hears. "Certainly you recognize ME Heero yuy."

I showed no shock at all, Heero could cover it up.

"Who is Heero Yuy?" said the flat voice.

"You can't fool me gundam pilot.

"You can keep talking and tell me what you're talking about."

"You know." Hissed the voice. "Don't hide it."

A pause and then, "Agreed. I won't hide it. You've caught me." Laughter echoes around. "Is that what you want me to admit?"

"No I want you to come with me."

"What for?" Both voices had increased in cockiness but the amount in Heero's scared me.

I turned "Hey, these are all the parts we got." I smiled another fake smile. "I'll give them to ya for 40 dollars."

"All right." The man threw a 50. "Keep the change." He gathered the parts and left, stopping to eye Heero again.

"You'd better get ready Duo." Heero said once the car drove off. "More of them are coming."

"How does he know you?" I asked getting up to leave.

"He's from OZ, one of the men who imprisoned me."

"All right lets go." I stood. "Wait I just need to warn boss."

I ran to the cabin, kicked; only to find out he wasn't in.

"Lets go." I said when I came back.

It hadn't been moments since Heero and I began our trek over the mountain of old parts until five cars drove up, each emitting four people. All had some sort of weapon and surprisingly not all had guns.

Heero turned whipping out his gun and shot one man down. The blood that played over his back did nothing to deter his companions.

I drew out my own gun shooting the remaining 14. Together Heero and I will stand!

Suddenly a grunt came from Heero. I turned to see that he'd been stabbed by one of them. Quickly I cocked my gun and prepared to shoot

A bullet whizzed by my head, not from a gun man blow but from Heero's gun. A cry and a thud was why became of the now dead man behind me.

He'd almost stabbed me. The realization hit me. Another grunt and Heero turned to confront the man who'd stabbed him in the back. Heero turned with two holes in his back.

Not enough time! I became frantic as the gunshots from below were becoming more accurate. I shot at the oncoming gunmen. He fell and I targeted another and another. Glancing at Heero I realized he was battling 3 men, all older, larger and stronger looking. This is what became of the one car without guns. The four occupants snuck up behind us.

Their target isn't me, however. It is Heero. I shot one man through the head; Heero another. Picking up the knife dropped by the one assassin that attacked me I threw it and hit the third man in the stomach the same moment he stabbed Heero there as well.

Wrenching the knife out, Heero turned to shoot at the gunmen again. The two of us stood silent as still statues so that only the sound of gunshot echoes and the cry of me that they hit.

Eventually we hit enough men so they retreated. The left in the sleek black cars leaving behind the dead.

But no longer would it be victorious for me. Heero sank to the ground. Running, I caught him and held him close, the blood seeping all over.

What can I say to the love of my life? There is nothing to express how I feel, the despair at discovering so many wounds.

How could I have let this happen? I'm so senseless I opened my eyes to find Heero staring at me, his eyes open and defenseless, his face caring.

"Oi Heero, you're going to be all right ne?" I smiled, still noticing the blood.

"No. I'm not." Heero grunted in return. "But that's all right for me."

"How can you be all right and not be?" I asked, desperately hoping Heero was lying about not being fine. But it's obvious he's not fine. No! Heero will live! He's the perfect solder, our leader, my love

"As long as you're all right I will be fine." Heero said.

"But I'm not all right." I cried, losing composure. "I'll never be all right again."

"Why not?" Heero asked. Does he truly not know?

"Because you're going. Going away forever." I whimpered. I always thought there'd be enough time! Always thought that I could wait wait until the right moment to tell Heero whom my heard was really after. But now there's not enough.

"I'm not leaving you at all. You know Quatre still talks to Trowa. So I will still be with you. I lov-" A sigh of escaping hair was released.

I looked at Heero's face, deterring my eyes from those wounds.

A small cry escaped from me as well when I noticed no breath was coming at all.

No. No. Not now. Please let this all me a dream! I clutched at Heero's body, both of us seeping in his blood. Stop coming out. Stop coming out! I pressed at the wounds, trying to block them, trying to stop the blood. The total and utter feeling of loss overwhelmed me. I don't understand. Why did it have to happen this way?

I cradled Heero's head. In death he looks just like in life those eyes. Those eyes I could get lost in forever, they are cold and lifeless now. Yet I can't tear away from them. I gazed for what seems like forever, looking for something. Some sign of life in those depthless eyes. Some hint at tenderness, which they held at the last moments.

A had broke me from my trance. Quatre's tear filled eyes spoke of companionship now that Heero was dead. But no. He's not dead!

"I'm sorry Duo." Wufei said.

My questioning eyes asked, what for?

Quatre sand to his knees. "He's gone Duo."

My first tears for years now finally seeped out. "He told me he'd never leave me."

"And he hasn't." Quatre said. "Heero wanted us all to come with you today so he could tell you what he was finally read to admit, that he loved you. He almost told you this morning but I stopped him. I'm sorry Duo."

"But Quatre, it was all my fault! H was too stupid!"

"How so Duo?" Quatre asked sadly.

"There were so many times where I was about to do something that could have could have changed this and Heero would still be alive right now! I wasted my time looking to see if boss was in, I woke up this morning Heero wouldn't even be here if I hadn't! I almost killed the men who killed him but it was my fault that I didn't! Don't you see?"

To my surprise, Wufei, who had been standing awkwardly apart knelt down. "I too have lost a loved one. Her name was Merian. We fought many times until she died and I regretted it all. But you cannot blame yourself for it, that is why I learned years later."

"How do you live with the guilt" I whispered. All three of us had circumstantially been deprived of love. How Ironic.

"It's not how. Why." Quatre explained, trying to detach my hold on Heero's lolling head. "Why you keep living."

"So tell me, why?" I tightened my hold on Heero. Live couldn't be more unfair!

"Because Heero loves you." Quatre said as if it was as obvious as the sunlight being bright.

"He never even succeeded in that." I said bitterly.

"Oh yes he did." Wufei said. "Don't you see? Heero sacrificed himself because he loves you. That is the ultimate vow."

"And why you keep living." Quatre smiled. "It's worth everything."

"We ought to go." Wufei said. "People will question."

We carried Heero's slim body to the car, tears still seeping from my eyes. Such a beautiful day today I noted. Why isn't it raining? Why hasn't this world collapsed? Perhaps just maybe god is trying to tell me to love life more.

I clutched Heero's head to my chest, albeit devoid of warmth but my own. I imagined all the things we could do before. Now I imagine all the things we could have had. The world is cruel.

***

Quatre and Wufei finally took Heero-no not Heero- Heero's body from my grasp. They forced me to take a shower and now I lie in bed afraid to sleep; afraid to get up; afraid to go anything. Are these the horrors Quatre experienced in his post tragedy with Trowa?

I slipped in and out of consciousness. I cannot decide which is worse. The cold realization that Heero is gone or the fake peaceful sensation that is shattered every time I wake?

How did Quatre do it? How did Wufei chose to live? I am not strong enough. I am not strong at all. Not without Heero. I know they told me of the sacrifice. Of the ultimate vow. Of their own loss of love. Of their own hardships. But I can't do it their way. For each his own ne? I chuckle sadly, picking up the sole picture I kept of Heero. I will join you soon Heero I can tell the coming of my life to an end.

Drowsiness overtakes me tired heard, no matter how much I resist. The pure clarity of Heero's face in death greets me in my travel to the subconscious. I fall asleep tonight, alone on the outside but also inside.


End file.
